Get knotty this Valentine’s Day

The bedroom – or the park, the car, the classroom, wherever – should be a place for passion, experimenting and learning about one another (or more, if you’re into that).  The point is that sex is interesting, fun and you should try new things (but not be arrested for public indecency).

Take bondage for example. Your first thoughts are probably “Fifty Shades of Grey”, lots of black leather, handcuffs, wrist pain, dungeons and “What are those whacky kids doing these days?” But, it doesn’t have to be that way.

The thing about experimenting in the bedroom is that it’s not a competition or comparison. No one else is there; you only have to go as far as you want.

Photo by Andrew Fraieli
Photo by Andrew Fraieli

Bondage is a fetish, but on the less taboo side of the scale when ranked against the likes masochism (liking pain), voyeurism (the thrill of getting caught) and feet – I don’t think there’s a name for that one. But seeing as bondage is a fetish, it’s totally alright if you don’t like it.

I enjoy it, hence my writing on the topic. To me it’s about control: how the person moves, how much pleasure the person receives and how much pain. Knots can be tied a little too tight, or loose enough to allow squirming. It also allows a lot of suspense. With something as simple as a blindfold on the person, every sensation of theirs is in your power.

Photo by Andrew Fraieli
Photo by Andrew Fraieli

This is supposed to be convincing enough to get you to Home Depot, buy about 30 feet of rope for $20, wash it and start learning knots, but I can see how many still have issues with it. For one, it’s not very romantic to be tied up.

Sex has two sides though: the romantic, Venetian boat ride under the midnight moon type passion or the lustful, desirous urge to give and receive pleasure and pain from a lover. The latter obviously being a bit more linked with bondage.

Photo by Andrew Fraieli

And there are certain safety concerns when dealing with taking away someone’s ability to move though, especially with rope. You definitely need to take precaution.

First, make sure you have blunt-tipped scissors somewhere in case you need to release them in a hurry. Second, always have a safe word — mine is avocado. Lastly, never tie knots around a person’s throat, underside of the knee or elbows.

Sexual experimentation, like bondage, is supposed to be a fun and sexy learning experience. And while mainstream media and stereotypes are beginning to define it one way, it’s really what you make out of it.

Don’t be afraid to be the person tying or being tied up; it’s quite different on both sides. Play with control, roles, power, pleasure and pain. You never know what you might enjoy until you try it.

Featured image by Andrew Fraieli